Guilt
by shadowgirl999
Summary: Elita comforts Optimus after a battle. Even the leader of the Autobots needs comfort sometimes. Rated M, contains sexual activities and spark bonds.


**Guilt: a transformers fan fiction by TheLegoKing99**

**Inspired by my dad who has been so brave as to carry guilt like this from his old job as a SWAT officer. I love you, Dad. Never stop being brave! Enjoy! Contains explicit sex-type-stuff and spark merges, adults only please.**

The night wind blew through the apartment shared by Optimus Prime and his sparkmate, Elita-One. Both lay in each other's cozy embrace, Prime having fallen asleep hours before Elita arrived home from the battle of Polyhex. She hadn't wanted to disturb her sparkmate, especially since Optimus had been away for about 10 years fighting on one of Cybertron's moons, so she had gently tucked him in under the metal-mesh covers and snuggled up in his arms, which moved practically of their own accord to pull her into a tight hug. They were naked, their protoforms warming each other as Elita's medium-sized breasts pressed against Prime's broad chest, which felt like heaven to Elita tonight. Elita had been looking forward to a long night of lovemaking and spark merges, but she hadn't wanted to disturb her bondmate from his recharge, so she had cuddled with him to try and comfort him as he slept.

"_**Primus knows he needs it…" **_she thought as she felt Optimus squirm in her embrace, moaning in his sleep.

"No…" Optimus moaned, his shuttered optics squeezing tighter as he writhed and shuddered in is sleep. "…Primus, I'm so sorry…please…no…"

Elita gently kneaded the soft metal of his protoform, rubbing his shoulders and kissing him as he rolled over, almost squashing her underneath his back. She gently pushed him onto his chest and touched his helm, staring with sad optics at her bondmate writhing restlessly as he had all night long.

"_**Sweetspark, sssh, it's okay." **_Elita 'spoke' over their bond, kissing him as she lay on his back._** "Wake up, you're having a nightmare!"**_

Optimus continued writhing, groaning and gasping in his sleep. Elita was beginning to worry. Protoform 'flesh' was delicate, and if Optimus fell off the bed and hit something sharp, like his armor or rifle…

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…!" Optimus mumbled as he continued writhing and tossing like a cyber-eel. "…I couldn't do anything…!"

"_**SWEETSPARK!" **_Elita 'screamed' over their bond, shaking Optimus with her strong hands._** "WAKE UP!"**_

"NO!" Optimus screamed as he jumped up, leaping into a sitting position and gasping, cycling air through his intakes rapidly.

Elita immediately squeezed him close, pressing her nude form against her bondmate's. She felt him shuddering and wheezing like mad, shaking with every breath he took.

"Sweetspark, it's okay! I've got you, you're safe!" Elita said as she hugged Optimus, her powerful arms pinning her bondmate to the bed as he almost tumbled out and onto the floor. "It's okay, just lay down."

"Elita…s-sweetspark…!" Optimus stammered as he looked upwards, his optic shutters opening to reveal strained, reddened optics so worn-out she could see the wires glowing red behind the glass. "W-When did you get home?"

"Just a couple of hours ago." Elita said as she held Optimus in a firm embrace. "I didn't want to disturb you, so I let you recharge. You needed it."

Optimus wrapped his arms around Elita and squeezed her close to his chest, resting his head on her shoulder as he shuddered with a suppressed sob that shook her like she was on a shuttle. Elita kissed his audios and nibbled gently on one of them as she wrapped her legs around him.

"I'm sorry, sweetspark, I didn't mean to wake you…" Optimus said as he screwed his optics shut, inhaling a deep gulp of air to cool his wires.

Elita pressed a hand against his glossa, silencing him as she bit down on his audios again, making him gasp in pleasure.

"Don't apologize, sweetspark. It's not your fault." she whispered into his audio, laying down on his broad chest and snuggling him tightly. "What's wrong? Please, tell me."

Optimus sat up, his naked form illuminated by Cybertron's moons as Elita sat up with him, crossing her legs and holding his hands. He took a deep breath as his bondmate sat before him, her touch comforting him.

"We lost Praxus." He said as Elita listened intently. "They razed the city to the ground with an antimatter bomb, just hours after the battle ended. Bluestreak was devastated, and Prowl just…I don't think I've ever seen him express that much emotion in his entire life, let along in the few minutes he did so at that moment. He almost went out of his mind with grief."

Elita squeezed his hands and looked into his blue optics, feeling his sadness and guilt. She hated seeing him like this.

"Worst yet, the few survivors we could find in survey sweeps were in such horrible condition we had to euthanize most of them. Only about 100 out of the 3,000,000 Cybertronians living there survived." Optimus said as he shuddered, his entire frame shaking. "Bluestreak lost his entire family and all of his friends, Prowl lost the only relative of his still functioning. An entire city, gone."

Elita held her bondmate as he snuggled into her frame, her bare body warm against him. She hated seeing Optimus like this. She hated seeing him so upset.

"And worse yet, I gave the order to withdraw after the bombs dropped. I thought the Decepticons were pulling out when they ordered a retreat, but then somebody yelled something about The _Nemesis _swooping low and dropping a raw energon warhead…"

Elita kissed him as he shuddered again.

"…and by then, all we could do was retreat."

Optimus loosened up slightly, having lifted a weight as heavy as a moon from his chest. Elita held him in her powerful arms as he hung his head, letting it fall on her bare back.

"We returned about 10 hours later, and even though they told me it was pointless, I ran in. I wanted so badly for there to be some survivors, someone who could still be alive after the bombing…I almost went in without anti-rad armor, I was so desperate. But by the time we got in there, there were no survivors in any area except for the vaults."

"What vaults?" Elita asked, rubbing Prime's shoulders.

"The ones used for storing the archives and scientific experiments." Optimus said as he hugged Elita, who was now kissing his neck. "Only 150 of them made it into the vaults. We found one outside the vault door who had stayed behind to seal the door, and…he had been melted into the floor and was still alive, in absolute agony. He had been captured by the Decepticons before the bombs fell, and they…they had scarred his spark."

Elita gasped, but continued cuddling her naked bondmate. She couldn't imagine anything more horrible. A spark was a Transformer's soul. To permanently damage something so intimate was like torturing someone's very spirit. It was absolutely barbaric and sadistic. She had heard about some Transformers who had gone through such torture. Half of them had committed suicide and the few survivors had gone insane from the torture, becoming little more than the Empties who inhabited the Dead End.

"He begged us for death, and in the condition he was in, we had to grant it." Optimus said as he continued shuddering, Elita holding him close. "The survivors were transferred to a medical camp, and Ratchet told me it was the absolute worst he had ever seen in the war. Almost a third of them ended up being euthanized, and the other 100 that survived…I don't know if any of them will get over what they went through before the bombs dropped, let alone after."

The two of them sat for what felt like an eternity, naked and cross-legged, holding each other tightly and basking in each other's cozy embrace. Optimus shook and shuddered, with Elita rubbing his shoulder blades with her hands.

"And it was all my fault." He said, shuttering his optics. "I should have looked for survivors during the battle. I should have gotten them out of there, but I didn't even know anyone was still living in the city…"

"Optimus, sweetspark, look at me." Elita whispered as she pulled back, grasping Optimus's faceplates in her hands so that she stared into his optics. "Take a deep breath."

Optimus drew a long gulp of air into his intake valves, the chill gases cooling his internal wiring as it entered his body.

"Now let it out." Elita said as she grasped his hands. "Slowly."

Optimus exhaled, a low _hiss _emitting from his cooling valves.

"It was not your fault." She said as she gently cupped her sparkmate's face in her gentle hands. "You said it yourself, you didn't know there were any still in the city. There is no way you could have known anyone was still alive down there."

Elita kissed him, making his optics shutter of their own accord as she embraced him tightly.

"And you saved half of them, that's more than anyone thought were still alive down there." she said. "Saving a hundred people is still saving someone. Under those conditions, that is beyond amazing."

"I just…" Optimus said as he held Elita close, feeling her body against his. "…I don't know if I deserve to be leader sometimes. I've made such mistakes…I can't save those who need it most, I don't deserve to be so admired, so idolized."

Elita pulled his head upwards, staring deep into his optics.

"Sweetspark, look at me." She said, kissing him full on his glossa and making him close his optics in bliss. "Listen to me. You tried as hard as you possibly could. I know you did. You are brave, you are compassionate, and you are strong."

Elita kissed him again, making him almost melt with bliss as she cuddled him.

"You are a wonderful leader, with a heart of gold." She said as she straddled him and kissed him full on his glossa again. "You try so hard to be strong for others…be strong for yourself tonight. Tell yourself you did all you could. You saved so many when it was thought none survived. Under those odds, that is amazing."

Elita held him close and gently tapped his chest plates, looking him in the optics.

"Sweetspark, open your spark chamber, please." She requested, gently stroking his bare chest. "I have something for you tonight."

Optimus shuddered as he opened his spark chamber, revealing his pulsating white spark. Elita opened her own chestplates, her own spark pulsing and crackling with anticipation.

"Bare yourself to me tonight." Elita whispered. "I want to make love to your entire being, body, mind and soul."

"Elita, you don't have to do this. You've worked hard enough-" Optimus started before he was silenced by a hand to his glossa.

"But I want to, sweetspark." She said as she mounted him, kissing him gently as she felt his interfacing cable go erect. "And it feels like you want it, too."

Optimus blushed as Elita giggled, kissing him again and again. She knelt down and lay on top of her bondmate as she felt his solid interface cable enter her warm, moist port. Primus, it had been so long since they did this…

"Elita…" Optimus gasped as he grabbed her hips, allowing her to grind against his erect spike.

She moaned in pleasure as she ground against him gently. She had no intention of coming anytime soon, or allowing him to either. She was going to make him enjoy every moment of tonight if it killed her.

"Are you ready?" Elita asked as she started to lower her chest to Prime's, her spark crackling in anticipation.

Optimus nodded, kissing her gently as she pressed her chest against his, their sparks grabbing each other with tendrils of energy and merging into one spark.

"Don't rush this, just lay back and relax." Elita whispered, her body shaking as her spark combined with his. "And don't forget to magnetize your cable."

Optimus magnetized his interfacing spike, anchoring himself to Elita as she lowered herself onto him, folding her legs until her knees touched her breasts. He plunged deep, deep into her body, finally locking in place deep in her core. She cried out as Optimus held her gently, the energy building up as her optics fluttered open, pulsing blank black as her sparkmate's optics did the same. Their sparks pulsed and crackled like mad for hours on end, sending waves of energy through their systems…and then came the shock.

**Meanwhile…**

Optimus opened his optics. He was floating in an endless blue void of stars, Elita wrapped around him. He felt the thrusting of a cable inside his body, in places a mech normally wouldn't have, but he felt it all the same. He felt everything Elita felt, knew everything she knew, and heard everything she heard. Most humans would joke about 'fucking her brains out' but in this case, Elita was…fucking his brains out was far too vulgar to describe the soulful connection they shared. In any case, Elita was reciprocating by stimulating the pleasure nodes of his CPU, giving just as much, if not more pleasure than she was being given.

"How is it, my love?" Elita whispered, her words echoing throughout the void.

"Absolutely, indescribably pleasurable…" Optimus said as his optics rolled back, his body shuddering from the completely foreign feelings it was experiencing at the moment. "…Primus, you're amazing…"

"And so are you, my love." Elita whispered as she kissed him, his spark crackling and sending a wave of pleasure across their mental connection. "You saved so many when it was thought to be impossible, do not feel bad about not being able to save everyone. If you took on the weight of Cybertron on your shoulders, you'd never be able to stand on your own."

Her mental projection sent another wave of energy across their bond, making Optimus moan in pleasure, Elita thrusting her imaginary spike into the interfacing port he normally wouldn't have. When fully bonded, anything is possible, and Elita loved being the more masculine of the two, partially because with her small breasts and firm frame, she felt almost androgynous herself. She even owned a strap-on cock that she would sometimes use on Optimus in real life, whenever he was in the mood for something more…submissive. She plunged deeper and deeper for the hours that they made love, kissing Optimus and whispering sweet words of love into his audios, the words echoing throughout the entirety of their private little universe, reaching both their audios. The pleasure built up, indescribable bliss welling up between both of them as they moaned and gasped, holding each other and whispering to one another.

"Oh Primus…" Optimus gasped as he spread his legs, allowing Elita to thrust deeper. "…Elita…sweetspark…my love…"

"Sssh." Elita shushed him as she plunged deeper, throwing her head back as she plunged in and out. "Just let it happen, love."

She plunged as far as possible, throwing her head back in pleasure as she overloaded, exploding inside of him just as in the real world, Optimus simultaneously exploded inside of her, flooding her tanks with his hot fluids. There was something erotic about Elita finishing first, a reversal of gender roles in sexual activity. Their connection was broken and the two of them tumbled onto the ground, tangled up in the sheets and holding each other tight, Optimus still anchored firmly inside Elita's interfacing port. The two of them lay on the ground, gasping for breath from the absolutely indescribable pleasure the two of them had shared. A quick glance at the clock revealed it had been more than 5 hours since they started, lost in their own little universe together.

"How do…you…feel…sweetspark?" Elita gasped, her tired form pressing against Prime's body as he de-magnetized his cable, limp from the release of fluids.

"Much better, my love." Optimus whispered as he kissed Elita, squeezing her close to him. "Thank you so much…I needed that."

He scooped her up into his powerful arms and stood up, shuddering slightly from the exhaustion and gently carried her out into the cold balcony, laying her lovely body on the balcony ground before lying next to her.

"Never tell yourself that you are anything other than wonderful." Elita whispered as he spooned into her and kissed her bare scalp. "You fought hard, you saved so many…I couldn't think of anyone braver than you. You're always so kind to your soldiers, so be kind to yourself just for tonight."

Optimus hugged her close as he relaxed in her arms, looking upwards at Cybertron's moons as Elita followed his gaze.

"Thank you so much, my love." He said as he kissed her again. "We should do this more often."

"Well, as often as we can handle such intensity." Elita said as she yawned, standing up and grabbing the thick sheets from the bed. "I think we should spend the rest of the night here, my love."

"You don't hear me complaining." Optimus said as he kissed Elita's hand, making her cheek plates flush pink. "Just as long as I have you here with me…Ariel."

Elita's spark warmed at the sound of her old name as she wrapped the blankets around Optimus, holding him close as the two of them lay down and drifted off to a peaceful recharge.

"Always, my wonderful Orion." She whispered, also using his old name and kissing him again as she shuttered her optics and drifted off to sleep.

The two of them lay on the balcony, naked, well spent, and content in each other's company. Elita would chase away any nightmares her love would have the rest of the night, she would hold him and love him until he was satisfied. He was so strong, so compassionate, that she swore he was an angel from Primus himself. But his guilt was so strong that he never saw it. Elita swore that she would help him see that he was wonderful, even if it took years.

"_**Sleep well." **_She spoke across their bond just before she drifted completely into recharge._** "I will be here when you awaken."**_

Shamelessly naked, the two lovers slept on the balcony, drifting off into a comfortable night of relaxation. They were not perfect, but they completed each other and made up for each other's flaws.

Together, they would never again be paralyzed by guilt.

**The end.**

**Dedicated to anyone who has felt such guilt over perceived "failures". Remember, you are strong to those you love and fight to protect. Never give up, never surrender. Please review!**


End file.
